Episode 103: Alpha Bravo Charlie and Four

Russell starts his search for the man who killed his wife. And what does that search look like? Scouring Yelp for a private eye, going to Michaels to buy yarn and index cards for his "Homeland"-style mission board, convincing his friends and family he's not crazy. This isn't going to be easy, but he's going down the rabbit hole.


This episode starring:
Josh Callahan, Gillian Bellinger, Michael Klimkowski, David Alfano, Neil Garguilo, and Peter Hoffman Kimball

Email us at Terry@DontMatterMedia.com

Theme Music by Shawn Korkie
Cover Art by Roppuri

A Don't Matter Media Production

www.RussellGetsRevenge.com
facebook.com/RussellGetsRevenge
twitter: @getsrevenge
instagram: @russellgetsrevenge

Transcript

TERRY
Hello again. My name is Terry Van der Horst and this is Russell Gets Revenge. The audio record of my friend, Russell Mannheim and his quest for vengeance.
[THEME MUSIC]

TERRY

Russell Gets Revenge. An eight episode series about justice, revenge, and jalapeno poppers. Written and created by Peter Hoffman Kimball. Produced by Josh Callahan and Peter Hoffman Kimball. As a content warning, this series does deal with issues of death, grief, and violence.
[THEME MUSIC]

TERRY
So Russell's friends and family tried to help him move on. They tried to distract him. They tried to get his mind off this crazy revenge idea. Like his wife's sister, Sharon.
SHARON
I told him, don't do this. It's not honoring Carrie and it's going to destroy your life.
TERRY
And the life of the man he kills.
SHARON
Well, yeah, I guess. But, I mean, I just assumed he would fail. 
TERRY
Really?
SHARON
Have you seen Russell? He's about as intimidating as a deflated balloon.
TERRY
Ok, sure.
SHARON
He's about as scary as a Mormon missionary on a bicycle.
TERRY
Well, I mean, some people might not have positive thoughts about Mormon missionaries on bicycles. I could see that being intimidating to some.
SHARON
You know I'm Mormon, right?
TERRY
I did not.
SHARON
So anyway, yeah, I just assumed he would fail. Like, I suppose it's possible he could actually find the guy and, somehow, implausibly, fight him to the death. But either way, it's not going to end well for Russell.
TERRY
And you didn't think that this might be an important part of the healing process for Russell?
SHARON
Healing through killing? Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, I know it's this loophole where suddenly it's legal to kill somebody just because it's revenge. But that doesn't make it ok.
SEBASTIAN
Oh it is absolutely not legal. Who said that? That's crazy.
TERRY
This is Sebastian, Russell's lawyer friend.
SEBASTIAN
Revenge isn't an excuse or a justification. It's what we call "a motive". If you get caught, you absolutely go to prison. It's no loophole. And I told Russell this.
RUSSELL
Yeah, I legit thought it was legal if it was for revenge. I mean, right? So, yeah. That gave me pause... I'm not really a rule breaker by nature.
TERRY
Did this change your mind at all?
RUSSELL
It doesn't change my mind. No. But is it a complicating factor? Yeah, I'd say so. Something else to consider. But not a reason not to do it.
TERRY
But Sharon wasn't the only one trying to dissuade Russell. Here's Russell's friend from high school, David Zandy.
DAVID ZANDY
I told him not to do it. Revenge is never as good as you think it's going to be.
TERRY
You have experience with revenge?
DAVID ZANDY
Me? Sure. Of course. Like, when it comes to vengeance, I think we've all been there, right?. Like, I've got a laundry room in the basement of my building, you know? And this guy Mikey Sahagian would always come in, like, right after I put my wash in the dryer. And he'd take it out, dump it on the counter - still all wet and everything - and put his own stuff in. Like, every time. Every time. I mean, what? Who does that?
TERRY
I'm not sure it's the same thing as what Russell went through.
DAVID ZANDY
But see, here's what I did. One day, I put my wash into the dryer but I pee all over it, like so the clothes are just totally soaked with my pee.
TERRY
Oh.
DAVID ZANDY
So when he came to move them, like, the pee would get all over his hands. And it was in the dryer so it must have gotten on his clothes too!
TERRY
But your clothes were covered in urine.
DAVID ZANDY CONSIDERS THAT. OBVIOUSLY FOR THE FIRST TIME.
DAVID ZANDY
Huh. Well, yeah. I don't know... But, you know, maybe that's a good metaphor for revenge. You think it's going to solve everything, but in the end, it just leaves both of you covered in pee.
HE RECONSIDERS.
DAVID ZANDY
But, dude, it's crazy satisfying as long as you don't think about it too much.
RUSSELL
Yeah, so I know a lot of the people around me didn't want me to do this. But I didn't feel like I had a choice. I had to do it.
TERRY
So then the question is - 
RUSSELL
How do I do it?
TERRY
Russell started pulling together all the information he had. And then putting together a plan.
RUSSELL
I've put together this planning board. It's kind of like what you would see in Homeland or something like that.
TERRY
There are several note cards on the board, a mug shot of the killer, and a Rand McNally map of Germany with a pin in Rothenburg ob der Tauber. Also, to the side, a stack of not yet used notecards, some sharpies, and a lot of yarn. Like, a weirdly large amount of yarn.
RUSSELL
You know, for connecting everything.
TERRY
Right.
RUSSELL
Anyway, I've broken it down into these main areas: four steps. One, find him. Two, figure out how to kill him. Three, figure out how to get away without getting caught.
TERRY
And four?
RUSSELL
Well, four is actually doing it.
TERRY
So what do you actually know at this point?
RUSSELL
From the police in Germany, I knew a little about the guy. Not much, but enough to start.
TERRY
He was a Macedonian immigrant named Marko Pavikevik. Had been in Germany for about a year before the incident.
RUSSELL
And you know what his day job was? Like, when he wasn't robbing and breaking in and murdering? Fake news websites. American news. Hillary, Trump, Biden, Benghazi, Obama, Pelosi. Whatever people would click on.
SEBASTIAN
This is actually something of a cottage industry in Macedonia. Now known as the Republic of North Macedonia. But, yes, it came out in the lead up to and in the wake of the 2016 election: scores or even hundreds of web sites, purporting to be American news sites, were actually being made by young Macedonians. 
TERRY
Why Macedonians? And what's in it for them?
SEBASTIAN
Why are they doing it? For money. Ad revenue. And why Macedonians? Well, they got in early and cornered the market. How does anyone do anything?
TERRY
Sure.
SEBASTIAN
And since you really can't make that much money at it, it wouldn't be attractive to people from most western countries. So North Macedonia's a nice fit.
TERRY
Fascinating.
SEBASTIAN
Yeah. It's an enormously dangerous subversion of democracy and world stability. And all to make about a thousand dollars a month.
TERRY
Ah. 
RUSSELL
Yeah, so he's a real stand up guy. I mean, when that's your day job, what do you expect he's going to do at night.
TERRY
Unfortunately, though, there isn't much more that Russell knew about him.
RUSSELL
The police arrested him, considered charging him, but then ultimately decided against and let him go. And they don't even track him or anything.
TERRY
So all he knew was Marko Pavikevik, Macedonian in southeastern Germany. Computer literate burglar and sometime murderer. 
RUSSELL
And that's pretty much it.
TERRY
So the next step was obvious, find Pavikevik.
RUSSELL
And I honestly didn't know where to start. I mean, I don't speak German. And I definitely don't speak Macedonian. I don't even know where to begin.
TERRY
So what do you do? Obvious. You find a private investigator.
RUSSELL
But that presented a problem too. Because, like, I also don't know how to find a private eye. I mean, I can google it. I can yelp it. But, I mean, I want him to help me find a guy so I can kill him. How do I find someone who can help me with that?
TERRY
That kind of info isn't on Yelp.
RUSSELL
No it's not. And I've looked.
DAVID ZANDY
You want a private eye, I can find you a private eye. I'm like a private eye private eye. 
TERRY
Really?
DAVID ZANDY
Well, I can google it, right?
RUSSELL
Yeah, long story short - David Zandy was useless. Useless like a tin of white shoe polish and a pair of Birkenstocks. 
TERRY
Is that a saying?
RUSSELL
Anyway, a friend of my brother's knew a guy who had used a private eye once. And we went from there.
PRIVATE EYE
Hi. My name is Chuck. Uh, yeah, let's just leave it at Chuck.
TERRY
And Russell hired you as a private investigator.
PRIVATE EYE
No way. No. I'm not a hit man.
TERRY
What? No, sorry. I said, he hired you as a private investigator.
PRIVATE EYE
Oh, as a private investigator. That's what you said. Yes, that's what I do.
TERRY
And you've been doing that for a long time? Very experienced?
PRIVATE EYE
I don't kill people for money. I don't know who you've been talking to. But that's not what I do.
TERRY
No, sure. Of course. You're just an investigator.
PRIVATE EYE
I help people. That's all I do. End of story. And I'm a license-pending licensed gun dealer.
TERRY
License-pending?
PRIVATE EYE
I'm a licensed gun dealer.
TERRY
Oh, sure.
PRIVATE EYE
I just haven't actually gotten the license yet.
TERRY
Alright.
RUSSELL
Yeah, when I first met with the private eye it weirded me out a little.
TERRY
Because he's obviously a hit man?
RUSSELL
Yes, and just the basic fact that it made this whole thing real. Like, now I'm down the path of no return.
TERRY
Not no return.
RUSSELL
No, sure. I could stop at any point. But I'd still have to pay him.
TERRY
There's no kind of refund or anything if you decide not to go through with it?
RUSSELL
Well sure, I paid half up front and half when he gave me the location. But half is still a lot of money.
TERRY
Right.
RUSSELL
Five hundred dollars.
TERRY
Oh. I'm not sure if that seems like a lot or a little. Considering what you're looking for.
RUSSELL
Me neither. I couldn't really comparison shop.
TERRY
Sure.
RUSSELL
But either way, five hundred bucks ain't nothing. And now this whole thing is really happening. 
TERRY 
And you feel good about that?
RUSSELL
Sometimes, I would think, maybe I should just move on. Maybe I shouldn't go down this crazy road.
TERRY
Like everyone in your life was telling you.
RUSSELL
But then I would just think of Carrie. And how I can't abandon her again.
TERRY
You didn't abandon her.
RUSSELL
I can't... You don't understand... Sometimes, I think about it. It races through my mind. Like, we were there, you know? Asleep in bed. And the guy comes in. He comes in and - you know, it's like this nightmare, waking up and seeing a man with a knife in front of your bed. It's a nightmare and it's such a common nightmare when it happens in real life you're both unbelievably terrified and also almost certain it can't be real. Like this is exactly what my thoughts do to me when they want to go to the darkest places. It can't really be happening and then it does. And he's there. He shouts, in German, in English, Macedonian, Esperanto, I don't know. But I get out of bed and onto the ground and he ties up my hands. And Carrie's getting out of bed when he grabs her, she's just doing what he says but he grabs her, he holds the knife to her throat and he says, "Where money?! Where money?!" And I don't know. I can't tell him anything. We didn't have any money. My wallet, our passports. We didn't have any big money. And he's holding her and then she collapses, she just slumps down, falls to the floor. He screams at her. Yells like she's trying to escape or faking it. But she doesn't get up. And I'm just lying there. The whole time I'm just lying there like I have some full body paralytic. But I don't! I don't, I have my hands tied - because I let him tie my hands. Because I didn't fight back and I'm bigger than him and I used to do a little tai chi back in the day. I mean, I quit because I found it too aggressive, but, still, I did it. And I always thought I'd be able to handle myself and keep her safe and... And I couldn't do it. I didn't even try and fail, I just didn't do anything. I just lay there on the floor with my hands tied and my body unwilling to move, unwilling to do anything and I don't know why. I just don't know why. And he runs off. He runs. Doesn't end up taking anything, leaving and I'm just lying there. Looking at her, lying on the ground a few feet away. Dying. And, like, yeah, I get up and I try to help her eventually but in that moment, in that moment where she's dying on the floor and I'm still lying there. And the thing is, the thing is, that in that moment... she fell with her back to me. So I didn't even get to see her face as she died.
TERRY
I'm so sorry.
RUSSELL
I failed her then. And I failed to get justice for her. And now... Sorry. Can I have a minute?
TERRY
Sure. The bathroom's right over there.
RUSSELL LEAVES THE ROOM. HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
RUSSELL
Do you have any tissues?
TERRY 
Uh, no. I don't think so. But there's toilet paper.
FUMBLING AROUND.
RUSSELL
You're out of that too.
TERRY
Check the drawer under the sink.
DRAWERS PULLED OUT.
RUSSELL
Nope.
TERRY 
Second drawer?
RUSSELL
Ah. Here it is.
A MOMENT LATER, RUSSELL COMES BACK IN.
RUSSELL
So I decided. If I can't get justice then I swear to God I will get vengeance. And I will see this through to the end.
TERRY
And with that, we leave you till next week. Join us again for Russell Gets Revenge.